Saturday, August 25, 2007

Happy Birthday to Me

Tomorrow I am going to be 24 years old...or is that 42? I can't remember. I think I might have dyslexia. And every birthday that comes and goes I always set aside some time to think about the state of my life as I change another year and think of where I am and where I want to go. I have to say that tomorrow I will give myself a B+ which is probably one of the highest grades of all time.

Why that is isn't easily explained because some of it can't be put into words but I think I can touch on highlights.

Number one would have to be the state of my marriage. I have to rate that an A+. I really couldn't ask for more and I really can't expand on it too much more.

Number two would have to be the state of my family. All four kids are doing really well in school and in life. They are all thriving and I am so proud of them. I can hardly put that into words either. I have learned how to accept each one of them for their individuality. There have been moments where that has been difficult. For example, last year when Ryan started middle school he really struggled with his study habits. Quite honestly he didn't have any and I struggled to teach him. He was so unlike his older brother who is so intelligent that he really doesn't need to study much. With Ryan I worked harder and took less for granted. I will never forget his first semester midprogress report. Straight D's. I thought we were looking at something more serious developmentally. But Ryan and I worked through it. I took him out of his sports program and we worked hard. He brought every D up to A's and B's and his first report card made us cry. Every day is a new joy, a new struggle, a new lesson learned but I couldn't have asked for better kids to walk this path with than the ones I have.

Number three would have to be my mental state. I have been in some really dark places in the past 10 years. Some that I don't care to return to. Some that I am still feeling the aftershocks of. Some that I still don't have closure. But with a lot of hard work I am overcoming a lot of those problems. When I was little I overheard my grandmother tell my mom that I was "going places." When I asked what that meant (I think I was not yet a teenager) my mom told me that it simply means that I will be really successful in whatever I do in life. I have never forgotten that. I think that in the past 10 years I have let my leadership qualities slip a lot and I am slowly bringing those back.

Number four would have to be friendships. It has been a long time since I have had a group of friends that I could call my own. And this year I decided that I needed to do something about that. I searched within myself to try to be a better friend thinking that doors would open for me at that point. I opened doors in places that had never been obvious to me and reached out to people just in the spirit of being nice to others. What I found was a few new friends from work and a few new friends that I have reconnected with and the list is growing every day.

Number five would have to be my career. I feel a major shift growing inside of me but in order to not jinx it I will expand on that at a later time.

I believe that birthdays should be meant to celebrate life and achievement and I am so happy and glad to be spending tomorrow with people who mean a lot to me and with my husband and kids who have inspired me to be better than I could be.

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