Friday, August 3, 2007

The Doctor Says I Have What?

A hernia?!?! I wonder how I got that? I also never knew I had it. I found out about it in a really totally crazy way. You see, I was showing my belly button to my regular doctor after inquiring to him about getting it pierced. It's a whole over-40 and I-need-to-do-something-to-feel- younger thing. He inspected my navel area and said, matter of factly, "are you aware that you have an umbilical hernia?" Imagine my shock. First I said "a what?" and then I said "does this mean I can't get a belly piercing?"

He said I could get the piercing but I had to take care of the more important hernia first. So off I go to see a surgeon who specializes in hernias.

I get to my appointment and the surgeon consults with me and asks me lots of questions regarding my medical history. I mention to him that my brother had a similar hernia last year and had to have surgery to fix it. I wonder if there is some sort of correlation. I started thinking that we were all born by the same obstetrician so maybe he didn't know how to cut an umblicial cord. Perhaps I need to alert the other sibs! I also wondered how long I have had this and never known it. I just thought I had an outie belly button. And to think that my outie could have been fixed all these years pre-pregnancy when my stomach was flat and not stretched and actually looked sexy.

We review the procedure. Only 30 minutes of actual repair work. Easy peasy. But there will be 4 weeks of recovery time. What? I don't have time for that. I am a mom to 4 kids. I comply with the doctor and said "yes sir, I understand." What limitations do I have during recovery?

1. I can't lift or pick up my kids. Great. Tell that to my 2 year old who still clings to me at the hip every waking moment.
2. Can't exercise or run. Darn, do I REALLY have to put off my marathon training another 4 weeks. Rats.
3. No crazy, rough sex for 4 weeks. Woah Nellie. Did I really need to hear that?
4. No pushing or straining your bowel movements. Ok, I thought #3 was a bad comment. This was WAY too much information.

Any more information doctor?
See you in the hospital in a few weeks.

One more thing doctor..
Do you do belly button piercing?

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