It's 7 pm on a Tuesday night and I am sitting in my car waiting for my daughter to finish her CCD class. I got up this morning at 6 am, left at 7:30, and haven't been home since. But I don't mind because I love it all. I truly do. I love my kids, I love my husband, I love my job, and I love my blackberry. I am having a love affair with them all!!!
So I try to do them all well and I can tell you that it is truly possible...well for me anyhow. The happy medium takes work and a kind and understanding boss who will understand if you have to run your kids to the doctors or leave to watch your daughter's class play or your senior boy's first baseball game of the season. But I also understand my duties and flex myself enough to work when the kids are in bed and I need to catch up.
So while I sit here in the parking lot I think about the rapid brain power I had to execute today...end of year appraisals, budget plan, goals worksheets, business plan, conference calls and lunch and an apple somewhere in between. I think about how happy I was to accomplish much at work while running out the door of work thinking about how much I couldn't wait to see my littlest man and princess daughter at the doors of their school. I was happy to then run over to the high school to pick up my son in his last few months of his last year of high school. And somewhere in the middle I met up with my darling husband who relieved me of my load so I could continue on to my daughter's CCD class.
After I leave the parking lot I have one more child to pick up...my basketball loving son who practices harder than anyone I know on his basketball team...through a horrendous cough and stuffy nose and hungry stomach. Note...McDonalds just might cheer him up.....
It seems like a lot and tomorrow I will do it all over again except tomorrow night there is a parent's baseball meeting and a college financial planning workshop. But at the end of the day I feel exhausted but fulfilled because after all of these years I have finally managed to achieve some sort of work-life balance.
Showing posts with label My Family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label My Family. Show all posts
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Saturday, December 19, 2009
It's Not The Size That Counts
Not too long ago someone I know wanted to buy my sons each a gift for Christmas. This person asked me if I knew what they would want. This was an easy question. My boys were just telling me about this certain type of Axe body wash/shampoo/deodorant kits that come in various scents. I love those gifts because my kids are getting to the age where they need to use deodorant and any time they request it I happily oblige (no offense to my kids but they are teenage boys who play baseball so that's 'nuff said).
When I came back with the kits from the store, the requestor asked how much I owe. When I said $10 each for a total of $20 I was told that was not enough. I was kinda surprised. "But that's what they really want and it didn't matter how much it cost."
It made me think back to all of these years that I have tried to show my kids that it's not the size of the gift or how much is spent on it but the thought and effort that goes behind the gift. Boy does that sound like my own mother but I can't help it. It's true.
The reflection made me think of my own cherished gifts. I have gotten so many of them over the course of my 44 years of life that most are bound to be forgotten. No offense to anyone who may have gotten me gifts in the past. It's not that I don't appreciate them and it's not that I don't love them but most times unless I write it down, I don't remember the details of those gifts 10, 12, or even 16 years later.
Except there was one gift I remember well. When my first child was born over 16 years ago I am pretty sure I received a lot of gifts, flowers and teddy bears. I am certain of it. I think. I don't know. I don't remember. But I do remember very clearly ONE gift that I got on that day.
After the baby was born, my mother, who was waiting in the lobby, came strolling into the room to see me. She had seen the baby in his bassinette and had the biggest smile I had ever seen on her face. She was truly beaming with pride. She was a brand new grandmother for the very first time.
She was also carrying a balloon. A big mylar Precious Moments "It's A Boy" balloon that cost a couple of dollars. That was all she had. This big balloon and a big smile. She apologized for not having more to give me and I told her that was just fine. And I have never forgotten it. And I don't think I ever will.
When I came back with the kits from the store, the requestor asked how much I owe. When I said $10 each for a total of $20 I was told that was not enough. I was kinda surprised. "But that's what they really want and it didn't matter how much it cost."
It made me think back to all of these years that I have tried to show my kids that it's not the size of the gift or how much is spent on it but the thought and effort that goes behind the gift. Boy does that sound like my own mother but I can't help it. It's true.
The reflection made me think of my own cherished gifts. I have gotten so many of them over the course of my 44 years of life that most are bound to be forgotten. No offense to anyone who may have gotten me gifts in the past. It's not that I don't appreciate them and it's not that I don't love them but most times unless I write it down, I don't remember the details of those gifts 10, 12, or even 16 years later.
Except there was one gift I remember well. When my first child was born over 16 years ago I am pretty sure I received a lot of gifts, flowers and teddy bears. I am certain of it. I think. I don't know. I don't remember. But I do remember very clearly ONE gift that I got on that day.
After the baby was born, my mother, who was waiting in the lobby, came strolling into the room to see me. She had seen the baby in his bassinette and had the biggest smile I had ever seen on her face. She was truly beaming with pride. She was a brand new grandmother for the very first time.
She was also carrying a balloon. A big mylar Precious Moments "It's A Boy" balloon that cost a couple of dollars. That was all she had. This big balloon and a big smile. She apologized for not having more to give me and I told her that was just fine. And I have never forgotten it. And I don't think I ever will.
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Where Have I Been?
I cannot get over the fact that I really have not blogged anything of real quality for the past month. It's been crazily busy around here and all of any spare time that I once had is now gone.
Admittedly I have been feeling a post-holiday down period. My mood has shifted and my "happy" level is really down too. I was talking to a good friend the other day about this and I was explaining that I just feel plain tired and worn out. I also have been feeling like a slave in my own house. My husband helps out and there is a balance there but definitely there is trouble looming with the balance of work that my kids have been doing. She recommended a wonderful book to me that I have really comsumed. It's called "The Blessings of a Skinned Knee" and it is written by Wendy Mogel. I am halfway finished reading it and already I feel like it has totally changed my outlook on parenting and what I am doing wrong when it comes to raising my children to become self-reliant people.
I highly recommend that ANY parent go out and read this book.
Since reading this book, I have enacted a better balance of responsibilities around my house even for the 5 year old and 3 year old. They also have to share in the household chores.
For my 3 year old he is responsible to make his bed, dress himself in the morning, brush his teeth without being told, put his toys back in his toy chest. I also have him help set the table. He is in charge of the placemats, napkins and silverware. He is to be in bed and lights out by 8:30 no questions asked and no crying allowed.
My 5 year old is in charge of making her bed, dressing herself, making breakfast for herself and her little brother, brushing her teeth and hair without being told, setting the table, and helping me with dinner preparation. She is to be in bed and lights out by 8:30. No crying, no talking, and no questions asked.
The older teens are taking on much more responsibilities such as laundry - cleaning, folding, and putting away, making dinner, cleaning the dishes, setting the table, cleaning their rooms, and helping with some outside chores too.
All of them get incentives but only when everything is done. For the little ones the incentives are up to them. They can choose extra play time on the Wii, a rented movie, a trip to the ice cream store for an ice cream cone, etc. The older kids get beefier incentives because they are doing more work but I let them pick them incentive among a list of options.
So far the results have been really great. The kids are doing more work around the house which helps them to learn how to be more self-sufficient and it also helps me balance the workload which in turn boosts my "happy" levels. I have also raised the bar on my expectations of respect inside the house. For example, there is now a zero tolerance for interrupting anyone in the house. If someone is speaking everyone must wait their turn to speak. This also includes interrupting when someone is on the telephone. It seems like common sense but a lot of times these common sense items tend to get unaddressed and eventually the house becomes tense and chaotic.
But greater than that is the sense that everyone is participating in the family effort and that everyone understands that in order to keep this family and house moving in a positive directions we need participation by everyone because we are all in this together. There is always more work to be done but I am enjoying taking these first steps.
Admittedly I have been feeling a post-holiday down period. My mood has shifted and my "happy" level is really down too. I was talking to a good friend the other day about this and I was explaining that I just feel plain tired and worn out. I also have been feeling like a slave in my own house. My husband helps out and there is a balance there but definitely there is trouble looming with the balance of work that my kids have been doing. She recommended a wonderful book to me that I have really comsumed. It's called "The Blessings of a Skinned Knee" and it is written by Wendy Mogel. I am halfway finished reading it and already I feel like it has totally changed my outlook on parenting and what I am doing wrong when it comes to raising my children to become self-reliant people.
I highly recommend that ANY parent go out and read this book.
Since reading this book, I have enacted a better balance of responsibilities around my house even for the 5 year old and 3 year old. They also have to share in the household chores.
For my 3 year old he is responsible to make his bed, dress himself in the morning, brush his teeth without being told, put his toys back in his toy chest. I also have him help set the table. He is in charge of the placemats, napkins and silverware. He is to be in bed and lights out by 8:30 no questions asked and no crying allowed.
My 5 year old is in charge of making her bed, dressing herself, making breakfast for herself and her little brother, brushing her teeth and hair without being told, setting the table, and helping me with dinner preparation. She is to be in bed and lights out by 8:30. No crying, no talking, and no questions asked.
The older teens are taking on much more responsibilities such as laundry - cleaning, folding, and putting away, making dinner, cleaning the dishes, setting the table, cleaning their rooms, and helping with some outside chores too.
All of them get incentives but only when everything is done. For the little ones the incentives are up to them. They can choose extra play time on the Wii, a rented movie, a trip to the ice cream store for an ice cream cone, etc. The older kids get beefier incentives because they are doing more work but I let them pick them incentive among a list of options.
So far the results have been really great. The kids are doing more work around the house which helps them to learn how to be more self-sufficient and it also helps me balance the workload which in turn boosts my "happy" levels. I have also raised the bar on my expectations of respect inside the house. For example, there is now a zero tolerance for interrupting anyone in the house. If someone is speaking everyone must wait their turn to speak. This also includes interrupting when someone is on the telephone. It seems like common sense but a lot of times these common sense items tend to get unaddressed and eventually the house becomes tense and chaotic.
But greater than that is the sense that everyone is participating in the family effort and that everyone understands that in order to keep this family and house moving in a positive directions we need participation by everyone because we are all in this together. There is always more work to be done but I am enjoying taking these first steps.
Friday, January 2, 2009
Back Into Routines
It was pleasantly hectic over these past few weeks with family down and all of the holiday festivities. Our normal routines and schedules were definitely out of whack and I had too much take-out/restaurant food. Don't get me wrong. I love restaurants but I love eating at home and cooking a lot better. Last year I tried to limit our family restaurant eating to a couple of times a month. This year my goal is to do as good or even better. I find that as I grow older the crowds, noise, heavy food, and expensive bills bother me much more. It's hard to carry on family conversations and that sometimes irritates me as well. Am I getting too old?
Probably not. I just think that my personality is moving towards that of a much simpler person. I love 30-minute meals and crock pot cooking and have learned how to be good at both. I love to save tons of money at the grocery store. This year I will learn how to do more creative things with ice cream. (It's the family favorite).
I also have learned how to buy really nice wardrobe staples and how to change them up with accessories. It's amazing what you can do with a plain white shirt, a few tanks, a pair of jeans, and assorted pieces of jewelry.
This year one of my resolutions is to play more family games at home. I may even subscribe to Netflix. I plan to read more and spend more time with my kids. I plan to take more photos and videos. I plan to blog more about all of the things I do to simplify my hectic life. I love to share my successes.
This past Christmas I sent a Christmas card to all of my co-workers. One guy came to me and thanked me for the card. He said to me, "I don't know how you find time, with a full time job and 4 kids, to send Christmas cards." His comment gave me pause. I don't have the luxury of a lot of free time so I have learned how to run my life in the most efficient manner so that I do have free time to do the things I love the most. I plan to write about all of what I do. Maybe it will be enough to fill a book. I would love that.
For now stick with me on my blog because I plan to spend a better part of this year's blog posting on the many things I do to keep this wel-oiled machine going.
Probably not. I just think that my personality is moving towards that of a much simpler person. I love 30-minute meals and crock pot cooking and have learned how to be good at both. I love to save tons of money at the grocery store. This year I will learn how to do more creative things with ice cream. (It's the family favorite).
I also have learned how to buy really nice wardrobe staples and how to change them up with accessories. It's amazing what you can do with a plain white shirt, a few tanks, a pair of jeans, and assorted pieces of jewelry.
This year one of my resolutions is to play more family games at home. I may even subscribe to Netflix. I plan to read more and spend more time with my kids. I plan to take more photos and videos. I plan to blog more about all of the things I do to simplify my hectic life. I love to share my successes.
This past Christmas I sent a Christmas card to all of my co-workers. One guy came to me and thanked me for the card. He said to me, "I don't know how you find time, with a full time job and 4 kids, to send Christmas cards." His comment gave me pause. I don't have the luxury of a lot of free time so I have learned how to run my life in the most efficient manner so that I do have free time to do the things I love the most. I plan to write about all of what I do. Maybe it will be enough to fill a book. I would love that.
For now stick with me on my blog because I plan to spend a better part of this year's blog posting on the many things I do to keep this wel-oiled machine going.
Friday, August 15, 2008
First Day of School Anxiety
My precious princess is starting her first day of school this coming Monday and last night was the first night that I saw her cry about it. I asked her why she was crying and she said that she is going to miss all of her preschool friends when they all go to new schools. Even though I told her not to worry, that they will probably see each other at the preschool camp on occasion, I couldn't help but think of how we all experience this type of anxiety no matter how old we are.
I thought that all of the talking in the world with her probably won't rid her fears of the first day in a new school. After all, I am experiencing the same fears as I start a new job in a few weeks...and I am 42 years old!
I understand where she is coming from being a creature of habit myself. I like it when I know everyone and everyone knows me. I like knowing where the restrooms are. I like knowing all about my boss. I love having my same ole friends around who know all of my quirks and when to laugh at my jokes. I hate forgetting the new co-workers names because there are so many of them that I cannot keep track of them all. I hate trying to learn a new organizational chart.
I am finding a lot of similarities between me and my princess' feelings at this moment in time.
So I decided to try to help her much like I am helping myself out...by just reminding her that it is ok to feel scared and nervous and anxious. Trying new things will always make you feel that way no matter what it is we do in life. But once you get past it your eyes will be opened to a new world filled with new people, new experiences, new friends, new tasks, new challenges and this newness will eventually become familiar once again.
It's hard to explain that to a 5 year old so I did the best job I could. And then I told her I would buy her a "lunchable" and a brownie to take to lunch on the first day. I think that is what did the trick.
I thought that all of the talking in the world with her probably won't rid her fears of the first day in a new school. After all, I am experiencing the same fears as I start a new job in a few weeks...and I am 42 years old!
I understand where she is coming from being a creature of habit myself. I like it when I know everyone and everyone knows me. I like knowing where the restrooms are. I like knowing all about my boss. I love having my same ole friends around who know all of my quirks and when to laugh at my jokes. I hate forgetting the new co-workers names because there are so many of them that I cannot keep track of them all. I hate trying to learn a new organizational chart.
I am finding a lot of similarities between me and my princess' feelings at this moment in time.
So I decided to try to help her much like I am helping myself out...by just reminding her that it is ok to feel scared and nervous and anxious. Trying new things will always make you feel that way no matter what it is we do in life. But once you get past it your eyes will be opened to a new world filled with new people, new experiences, new friends, new tasks, new challenges and this newness will eventually become familiar once again.
It's hard to explain that to a 5 year old so I did the best job I could. And then I told her I would buy her a "lunchable" and a brownie to take to lunch on the first day. I think that is what did the trick.
Thursday, May 22, 2008
Time For Mom
My life is usually as busy as Grand Central Station at rush hour. Though I am not complaining and believe I have mastered the art of organization, things still get rough at certain times of the day. Those times are mainly morning rush hour getting myself and all 4 kids ready for the day and off to 3 different schools and then evening as I pick all of them up, homework, sports, and dinner at 6.
When my first baby was born I remember just emersing myself into him. I subsequently had a second one two years later and then I was emersing myself into two small children. They became the center of my world, as they should have but I never knew how to balance their world and my world. I failed at it and that sent me into a terrifying depression that I believe was one of the many reasons that my marriage ended.
In retrospect it was not my children's fault. It was my fault. I didn't have the skills or tools or the knowledge to recognize the problems and fix them. I paid the price (and still am paying) but I like to think I learned something along the way about how to call "time out".
I believe there is nothing wrong with calling on your kids, spouse and family for help. I believe that there is nothing wrong with mommy time whether it is mommy taking a nice long walk, exercising, shopping, reading alone, getting a pedicure, or whatever it is that regenerates your senses and helps to clear your head.
It's not selfish. It's necessary. Taking care of your spouse, children and family is a demanding job regardless if you are a stay at home mom or a working mom. Being Wonder Woman is a myth and a fantasy, in my humble opinion. I have tried it and it didn't work. The expense was and is too great.
I admit to my kids and to myself that I cannot DO IT ALL and I admit to them that I am a human being filled with faults and imperfections. I remind them that I try to make the best decisions based on the love that I feel for them and what I believe is for their well being. But nothing is perfect and if I screw up, I will be the first to admit it.
I try to communicate the best that I can. I try to admit I am sorry. I pray every day that I be the best that I can be and the best that God wants me to be. I pray for forgiveness. I tell my children and spouse that I love them dearly. I kiss and hug all of them as much as I can.
Spend time with your family but also take some time to spend with yourself.
When my first baby was born I remember just emersing myself into him. I subsequently had a second one two years later and then I was emersing myself into two small children. They became the center of my world, as they should have but I never knew how to balance their world and my world. I failed at it and that sent me into a terrifying depression that I believe was one of the many reasons that my marriage ended.
In retrospect it was not my children's fault. It was my fault. I didn't have the skills or tools or the knowledge to recognize the problems and fix them. I paid the price (and still am paying) but I like to think I learned something along the way about how to call "time out".
I believe there is nothing wrong with calling on your kids, spouse and family for help. I believe that there is nothing wrong with mommy time whether it is mommy taking a nice long walk, exercising, shopping, reading alone, getting a pedicure, or whatever it is that regenerates your senses and helps to clear your head.
It's not selfish. It's necessary. Taking care of your spouse, children and family is a demanding job regardless if you are a stay at home mom or a working mom. Being Wonder Woman is a myth and a fantasy, in my humble opinion. I have tried it and it didn't work. The expense was and is too great.
I admit to my kids and to myself that I cannot DO IT ALL and I admit to them that I am a human being filled with faults and imperfections. I remind them that I try to make the best decisions based on the love that I feel for them and what I believe is for their well being. But nothing is perfect and if I screw up, I will be the first to admit it.
I try to communicate the best that I can. I try to admit I am sorry. I pray every day that I be the best that I can be and the best that God wants me to be. I pray for forgiveness. I tell my children and spouse that I love them dearly. I kiss and hug all of them as much as I can.
Spend time with your family but also take some time to spend with yourself.
Friday, March 21, 2008
People Who Live in Glass Houses
You know the rest....something about throwing stones. So I am paraphrasing but the message is all the same which is "don't judge others unless you want to be judged yourself". Let's face it. We all have skeletons (yes I know you do even if you are shaking your head no). We all have had moments of regret or where we wished that we would have acted differently. None of us are perfect and should not be held to a higher standard than we would hold ourselves.
I am amazed at how I keep learning these obvious lessons even at the ripe ole age of 42. Most recently I have been judged hurtfully by someone in my family. It hurts bad. Much more badly than I initially realized. Time does heal certain wounds but judgments can linger around for a long time.
Now, I have never really been the kind of person to hold a grudge and I can say fairly matter-of-factly that I have never rejected an apology. I think apologies are awesome. They feel great to say them and they feel great to hear them.
But what do you do when the apologies don't come and you are left to feel hurt? There is no closure. No resolution. Just a bunch of displaced hurt.
I am not speaking metaphorically. This really happened to me. Someone gave me their opinion of me and it was not pretty and I didn't understand it and I am left with it on my mind. Because the person who gave it wasn't a stranger. It was a member of my family. And it hurts.
I am amazed at how I keep learning these obvious lessons even at the ripe ole age of 42. Most recently I have been judged hurtfully by someone in my family. It hurts bad. Much more badly than I initially realized. Time does heal certain wounds but judgments can linger around for a long time.
Now, I have never really been the kind of person to hold a grudge and I can say fairly matter-of-factly that I have never rejected an apology. I think apologies are awesome. They feel great to say them and they feel great to hear them.
But what do you do when the apologies don't come and you are left to feel hurt? There is no closure. No resolution. Just a bunch of displaced hurt.
I am not speaking metaphorically. This really happened to me. Someone gave me their opinion of me and it was not pretty and I didn't understand it and I am left with it on my mind. Because the person who gave it wasn't a stranger. It was a member of my family. And it hurts.
Thursday, March 20, 2008
A Sad Story
Today I found out that a dear co-worker is in hospice and will die from an advanced cancer soon. That bums the crap out of me. She is so strong-willed and assertive yet kind and caring. I am having a hard time accepting that this terrible disease is, once again, going to take the life of someone who is close to me.
Dammit.
An email around work has circulated with regards from her and her family. Her husband says that her wishes to us all is to "retire early and enjoy your life."
Hmmmm. Just what I have been thinking lately. Retire early and enjoy your life. How many times do we hear those types of words with respect to spending enough time with your family. It resonates with me. Some of us may not have the finances in place to retire early but we can certainly enjoy our lives outside of work. Here is what I am going to do to improve my personal life.
1. Spend more time with my kids when I pick them up from school. I will turn off the radio and listen to them tell me about their day.
2. I will lay out the toys in their room more and sit on the floor and play, read or do whatever they want me to do.
3. I will take more shortcuts in areas that don't involve spending time with family such as cooking, cleaning, and other housework unless they are participating with me.
4. I will enjoy my children climbing into bed with me in the morning rather than fret over them waking me up so early.
5. I will cheer loudly for my kids at their baseball games even though it might embarrass them. I want them to remember how proud I am of them.
6. I will talk more with my husband about the good things of the day rather than the stresses.
7. I will take my vitamins, eat healthier, and keep exercising.
8. I will keep thinking of ways to create a happy and healthy home for all of us.
Dammit.
An email around work has circulated with regards from her and her family. Her husband says that her wishes to us all is to "retire early and enjoy your life."
Hmmmm. Just what I have been thinking lately. Retire early and enjoy your life. How many times do we hear those types of words with respect to spending enough time with your family. It resonates with me. Some of us may not have the finances in place to retire early but we can certainly enjoy our lives outside of work. Here is what I am going to do to improve my personal life.
1. Spend more time with my kids when I pick them up from school. I will turn off the radio and listen to them tell me about their day.
2. I will lay out the toys in their room more and sit on the floor and play, read or do whatever they want me to do.
3. I will take more shortcuts in areas that don't involve spending time with family such as cooking, cleaning, and other housework unless they are participating with me.
4. I will enjoy my children climbing into bed with me in the morning rather than fret over them waking me up so early.
5. I will cheer loudly for my kids at their baseball games even though it might embarrass them. I want them to remember how proud I am of them.
6. I will talk more with my husband about the good things of the day rather than the stresses.
7. I will take my vitamins, eat healthier, and keep exercising.
8. I will keep thinking of ways to create a happy and healthy home for all of us.
Thursday, February 14, 2008
I Am Gentle?
What type of Mother Hen Are You?
by Montessorimom.com: Educational Resource
Tell that to my kids who just heard me scream at them at the top of my lungs last night because the house was a chaotic mess!
Tuesday, January 8, 2008
Making Me Laugh
I had an awesome night out last night with my family. We went to Chilis because we had gotten a few gift cards for Christmas and wanted to use them up. Taking 4 kids out to dinner when two of them are teens and two are tiny people sometimes can be challenging but sometimes I am actually up for that challenge.
Last night while sitting at the table my oldest teen said something (what he said escapes me at the moment) but I let out a loud laugh. It was really funny....that I DO remember. I then noted to the remainder of the table that today all four of my kids each gave me a huge laugh out loud moment. They all looked at me as if I had two heads...what kind of sane person gets amusement from their kids making her laugh? What is so special about that?
The truth is that we (correction...I) don't laugh enough. I am so busy, busy, busy. I admit it. I should not be. I should take the time to sit back and allow the laugh out loud moments to asborb my brain. Why? Because it is FUN! It's fun to laugh and it's fun to see my kids laugh with me.
I commit to laughing more and being more easy going with my kids and making them laugh. I will let you know how it goes.
Last night while sitting at the table my oldest teen said something (what he said escapes me at the moment) but I let out a loud laugh. It was really funny....that I DO remember. I then noted to the remainder of the table that today all four of my kids each gave me a huge laugh out loud moment. They all looked at me as if I had two heads...what kind of sane person gets amusement from their kids making her laugh? What is so special about that?
The truth is that we (correction...I) don't laugh enough. I am so busy, busy, busy. I admit it. I should not be. I should take the time to sit back and allow the laugh out loud moments to asborb my brain. Why? Because it is FUN! It's fun to laugh and it's fun to see my kids laugh with me.
I commit to laughing more and being more easy going with my kids and making them laugh. I will let you know how it goes.
Thursday, January 3, 2008
Phone a Friend
Both of my teens got cell phones for Christmas. I purchased them because I thought they were old enough to have them and because there have been situations in the past where they needed them to call me and vice versa. I feel better knowing that they have them on hand.
Since the divorce they rarely call me on the phone from their dad's house. They have asked to and tried to but are often met with harsh discipline or are simply told that they are not allowed to call me. Now that they are getting older, bigger, and wiser they are starting to buck their dad's system.
Case in point.
This morning is one of their dad's visitation days. I am at work and suddenly my cell phone rings. I look at it and see that it is my 12 year old teen calling in on the cell phone I gave him. I get so excited because it is the first time that he is calling me that I can ever remember. I pick up the phone and he starts talking about an iguana that he just saw at his camp. He tells me this big long story about the iguana and how funny the story was and how much he laughed and how scared he was, etc etc. He ends by telling me that he just had to call me to tell me the story and that he loved me and will tell me more over the weekend.
To be honest with you I didn't really pay much attention to his story. I was too busy tearing up and thinking of how happy I was that he actually thought of me to call me. It really touched my heart and totally made my day.
A lot of people take these kinds of things for granted. To me it's like opening up the best gift in the world. Today is turning out to be a great day.
Since the divorce they rarely call me on the phone from their dad's house. They have asked to and tried to but are often met with harsh discipline or are simply told that they are not allowed to call me. Now that they are getting older, bigger, and wiser they are starting to buck their dad's system.
Case in point.
This morning is one of their dad's visitation days. I am at work and suddenly my cell phone rings. I look at it and see that it is my 12 year old teen calling in on the cell phone I gave him. I get so excited because it is the first time that he is calling me that I can ever remember. I pick up the phone and he starts talking about an iguana that he just saw at his camp. He tells me this big long story about the iguana and how funny the story was and how much he laughed and how scared he was, etc etc. He ends by telling me that he just had to call me to tell me the story and that he loved me and will tell me more over the weekend.
To be honest with you I didn't really pay much attention to his story. I was too busy tearing up and thinking of how happy I was that he actually thought of me to call me. It really touched my heart and totally made my day.
A lot of people take these kinds of things for granted. To me it's like opening up the best gift in the world. Today is turning out to be a great day.
Wednesday, January 2, 2008
Clinical Depression
Ten years ago I was clinically depressed. That was the diagnosis. It was an environmental depression which means it was triggered by events going on around me as opposed to some sort of chemical imbalance.
Those events were a failing marriage and my mother's diagnosis of end-stage lung cancer. Both events were major stresses that, even by themselves, can bring a person to a depressed state. Having both occur simultaneously can be very traumatic.
Which is probably why I don't recall many details of that time period with the exception of my mother's funeral and the night before her death which I recall very vividly. Everything else is either a big blur or completely gone from my memory.
I was treated for the depression via psychotherapy. I opposed the use of drugs because I wanted to get to the root of the problem and felt perhaps drugs might mask it. I left that option opened as a method of last resort.
I never felt suicidal though I do recall feeling that maybe if my life did end it might be a huge relief. I think that was when I realized I needed help. After all, I had to raise two small boys. And at the time of my depression I could not be there for them. I knew it was time for an intervention.
Therapy has and always will be a huge source of help for me. A lot of people are against it but I am not. I look at it as a mental check-up and I am seeing a therapist right now who has been extremely helpful to me with those emotional check-ups.
So many people ask me why it is that when I got divorced did my ex get the majority of visitation time and why was it that my ex was the receiver of child support. I often times have a difficult time answering that question to myself much less to others. The depression was so deep that I don't recall my even thinking of the details of my divorce agreement. Heck, I didn't even have a lawyer to help me out. I was completely and utterly lost.
I wish I could answer questions from 10 years ago more definitively but I really can't. Not because I don't want to but simply because I can't. I don't recollect and I don't want to try. I live through the mistakes I made and they have helped me be a better person today. I am glad that I am no longer depressed and I am so blessed to have a happy, healthy and thriving relationship with my dear husband and 4 beautiful children. Life with them couldn't be better.
Those events were a failing marriage and my mother's diagnosis of end-stage lung cancer. Both events were major stresses that, even by themselves, can bring a person to a depressed state. Having both occur simultaneously can be very traumatic.
Which is probably why I don't recall many details of that time period with the exception of my mother's funeral and the night before her death which I recall very vividly. Everything else is either a big blur or completely gone from my memory.
I was treated for the depression via psychotherapy. I opposed the use of drugs because I wanted to get to the root of the problem and felt perhaps drugs might mask it. I left that option opened as a method of last resort.
I never felt suicidal though I do recall feeling that maybe if my life did end it might be a huge relief. I think that was when I realized I needed help. After all, I had to raise two small boys. And at the time of my depression I could not be there for them. I knew it was time for an intervention.
Therapy has and always will be a huge source of help for me. A lot of people are against it but I am not. I look at it as a mental check-up and I am seeing a therapist right now who has been extremely helpful to me with those emotional check-ups.
So many people ask me why it is that when I got divorced did my ex get the majority of visitation time and why was it that my ex was the receiver of child support. I often times have a difficult time answering that question to myself much less to others. The depression was so deep that I don't recall my even thinking of the details of my divorce agreement. Heck, I didn't even have a lawyer to help me out. I was completely and utterly lost.
I wish I could answer questions from 10 years ago more definitively but I really can't. Not because I don't want to but simply because I can't. I don't recollect and I don't want to try. I live through the mistakes I made and they have helped me be a better person today. I am glad that I am no longer depressed and I am so blessed to have a happy, healthy and thriving relationship with my dear husband and 4 beautiful children. Life with them couldn't be better.
Monday, December 31, 2007
Kids Who Overcome
Kids from divorced homes sometimes have difficult lives. Often times it is not their fault that they are in this situation. They didn't ask for it. They probably didn't even want it. Most times it's the fault of their parents who didn't try hard enough. They go back and forth between their parents' homes usually sharing their belongings and sometimes carrying them around in backpacks. If either of their parents is a jerk it can be even worse than that.
The statistics for children of divorce are never in their favor such as the dropout rate, suicide rate, depression rate, failed relationship rate, marriage rate and every other rate under the sun. Every time you hear of a school shooter you wonder if he or she came from a broken home. Some people automatically assume it was a product of a divorce.
Then I look at them and want to shout to the world that they often can and do overcome these odds. My two boys show me that each day. I must admit that they are not perfect and often cause me a great deal of stress. What teenager doesn't?
What I see when I take a step back are two honor roll students...one thriving in private Catholic school and the other thriving in public middle school. Both are involved in athletics and go to church regularly. Neither have had a discipline action against them ever even though they went to day care since a very young age. Both are extremely caring young boys who don't do drugs, don't smoke, and don't act provocatively in any other areas. They both love all of their brothers and sisters dearly. They are outgoing and caring to all of their grandparents, aunts and uncles and are extremely interesting in conversations. Looking at them, one would never guess they were products of divorce. They are beating the odds. I am so very blessed.
The statistics for children of divorce are never in their favor such as the dropout rate, suicide rate, depression rate, failed relationship rate, marriage rate and every other rate under the sun. Every time you hear of a school shooter you wonder if he or she came from a broken home. Some people automatically assume it was a product of a divorce.
Then I look at them and want to shout to the world that they often can and do overcome these odds. My two boys show me that each day. I must admit that they are not perfect and often cause me a great deal of stress. What teenager doesn't?
What I see when I take a step back are two honor roll students...one thriving in private Catholic school and the other thriving in public middle school. Both are involved in athletics and go to church regularly. Neither have had a discipline action against them ever even though they went to day care since a very young age. Both are extremely caring young boys who don't do drugs, don't smoke, and don't act provocatively in any other areas. They both love all of their brothers and sisters dearly. They are outgoing and caring to all of their grandparents, aunts and uncles and are extremely interesting in conversations. Looking at them, one would never guess they were products of divorce. They are beating the odds. I am so very blessed.
Wednesday, December 26, 2007
An Awesome Christmas Morning
Christmas mornings at our house are usually pretty hectic. With two teens and two little ones my organization and order usually get thrown out the door within the first two minutes.
You see, the night before I plan very strategically how the gift opening will happen. I know every gift that is going to be handed out (because I have shopped and wrapped them all). After Santa visits, I go through every one and put them in a certain order under the tree so that I can give them out to the kids in an orderly fashion. For the teens I try to save the biggest and best gift for last so this order is most important for them.
When morning arrives, I wake up before everyone else (I was trained at an early age to wake up in the wee hours on Christmas morning). I turn on the tree lights and put on the Christmas music softly. I then go back to bed and wait for the troops to get up. My thinking is that when they wake up they will see a beautiful tree with beautiful presents and hear beautiful music just as it was meant to be.
Usually it doesn't pan out that way. By the time I get them all in their "gift opening spots" in front of the tree things go a little crazy. I give it my best shot to let them each open their gifts one by one so that everyone can see each gift being given. I am also in charge of making sure that the wrapping paper gets thrown in the trash can without anything of value going with it. That's a particular challenge.
But this year was a little different than in years past. My teens are actually growing up. This was the first year that they didn't count presents and each present that they opened they were grateful for and were very thankful. In years past the first words out of their mouths were usually "NEXT!". Not this year. This year was the first year that they got me a gift and I think they were more excited to see me open this gift from them than they were to open their own gifts. This left me most puzzled but in a good way. And I did love the gift. It was a new wallet that I so desperately needed and they knew it because I complained about my old one almost every day for the past 4 months. And then for the first time I saw my older boys exchange gifts for each other. That was something that I had never seen before. I actually witnessed them smiling and laughing at their respective gifts. It was a sight that I was not used to.
I have been thinking about that sight for the past day and I think I like that gift better than the wallet. The memory will certainly last longer and made me so much more happy because it was what motherhood is all about...and I am a very proud mother.
You see, the night before I plan very strategically how the gift opening will happen. I know every gift that is going to be handed out (because I have shopped and wrapped them all). After Santa visits, I go through every one and put them in a certain order under the tree so that I can give them out to the kids in an orderly fashion. For the teens I try to save the biggest and best gift for last so this order is most important for them.
When morning arrives, I wake up before everyone else (I was trained at an early age to wake up in the wee hours on Christmas morning). I turn on the tree lights and put on the Christmas music softly. I then go back to bed and wait for the troops to get up. My thinking is that when they wake up they will see a beautiful tree with beautiful presents and hear beautiful music just as it was meant to be.
Usually it doesn't pan out that way. By the time I get them all in their "gift opening spots" in front of the tree things go a little crazy. I give it my best shot to let them each open their gifts one by one so that everyone can see each gift being given. I am also in charge of making sure that the wrapping paper gets thrown in the trash can without anything of value going with it. That's a particular challenge.
But this year was a little different than in years past. My teens are actually growing up. This was the first year that they didn't count presents and each present that they opened they were grateful for and were very thankful. In years past the first words out of their mouths were usually "NEXT!". Not this year. This year was the first year that they got me a gift and I think they were more excited to see me open this gift from them than they were to open their own gifts. This left me most puzzled but in a good way. And I did love the gift. It was a new wallet that I so desperately needed and they knew it because I complained about my old one almost every day for the past 4 months. And then for the first time I saw my older boys exchange gifts for each other. That was something that I had never seen before. I actually witnessed them smiling and laughing at their respective gifts. It was a sight that I was not used to.
I have been thinking about that sight for the past day and I think I like that gift better than the wallet. The memory will certainly last longer and made me so much more happy because it was what motherhood is all about...and I am a very proud mother.
Monday, December 17, 2007
Memories Well Preserved
For most kids, the Christmas season starts when Santa makes his appearance at the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. For me, the Christmas season always started when this came on TV.
Back in the day there were no VCRs or DVD players or TiVo machines. We didn't have Directv either and there was no cable. If we didn't catch the show on TV we missed it for the year. I remember looking through my grandmother's TV guide (remember those?) to see what day of the week the show came on and I actually had to write myself a note to remember to watch it. I didn't have the luxury of a cell phone alarm or a PDA or Outlook Express calendar reminder.
I still look forward to watching this program but now I do have the luxury to record it and watch it with my princess at a moments notice. Somehow the anticipation is lessened now than it was back then but that's progress for ya.
Back in the day there were no VCRs or DVD players or TiVo machines. We didn't have Directv either and there was no cable. If we didn't catch the show on TV we missed it for the year. I remember looking through my grandmother's TV guide (remember those?) to see what day of the week the show came on and I actually had to write myself a note to remember to watch it. I didn't have the luxury of a cell phone alarm or a PDA or Outlook Express calendar reminder.
I still look forward to watching this program but now I do have the luxury to record it and watch it with my princess at a moments notice. Somehow the anticipation is lessened now than it was back then but that's progress for ya.
Thursday, December 6, 2007
Monday, December 3, 2007
Monday, November 26, 2007
Homeschooling my Princess
Here is why I doubt I could ever be successful at homeschooling my princess:
Her: Mommy, I can spell the word "slow"
Me: Awesome. Spell it for me.
Her: L-O-W, Slow
Me: That's very good. You have the L-O-W part right except that it starts with an S so that would be S-L-O-W. OK?
Her (looking at me with a very mad face): Hmmmmfff...well, if you say that to me, I am not your friend anymore! Good Bye! as she storms off to her room.
Her: Mommy, I can spell the word "slow"
Me: Awesome. Spell it for me.
Her: L-O-W, Slow
Me: That's very good. You have the L-O-W part right except that it starts with an S so that would be S-L-O-W. OK?
Her (looking at me with a very mad face): Hmmmmfff...well, if you say that to me, I am not your friend anymore! Good Bye! as she storms off to her room.
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
Giving Thanks
I have been reading so many blogs and websites with people giving their own thanks. I don't think I can quite add much of my own that is of any great interest to my outside world but I think I would be remiss if I didn't at least give thanks for the 5 greatest blessings in my life.
Him
and Them
The rest is just icing on the cake.
Him
and Them
The rest is just icing on the cake.
Friday, November 16, 2007
Growing Up Is Hard On...Me
A special teary eyed moment for me this morning as I watched my little baby get on her preschool bus and head to the park for a field trip. She was so excited as was her friends and I tried to capture all of the moments on camera. I am still wiping away the tears.
Later today the Special Olympic foundation is coming to my home to take away the baby furniture that my toddler has outgrown. That is another tough one. He is growing so fast.
Later today the Special Olympic foundation is coming to my home to take away the baby furniture that my toddler has outgrown. That is another tough one. He is growing so fast.
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