When They Were Mine....

Years ago when I first became a mother and then eventually became a mother again 3 times more, I thought it was the hardest yet most rewarding job in the world.  I loved being a mom but you know how tough 2 am feedings are and long nights of 5th grade math and being up day and night while they suffer from fever and chicken pox.  The potty training and learning how to walk and making sure the house is baby proofed.  Then there is remembering the tooth fairy and playing Santa Claus and wiping tears when they scrape their knee or have to go to bed with no dessert.  The late night school projects are tough as are worrying about them when they drive your car on their own for the first time.  Their first heartbreak is brutal as is waiting for those SAT scores. 

But all of those necessary tasks and worries are nothing compared to how difficult it is when you have to say goodbye to your child as he goes to college.  I have done it and thus far it has not gotten easier.  I give myself these pep talks that say things like "don't forget he is getting a good education" and "he will be back before you know it".  I start planning out what my next care package will be and what the birthday gift is that I will be sending him.  I schedule days in my calendar that will be good to skype.  I do all of that because it makes me feel a little bit better and a little less lonely while he is away. 

Giving our kids roots and wings is the best thing we can do for them but watching them use those wings to fly is by far the toughest job of all.

First College Semester

It's so funny.  In August when I handed my first born baby boy off to the major university that would now be known as his home away from home, I never imagined myself to feel as lonely without him as I did and do.  It probably seems obvious to the casual observer that I would have these feelings but when one is in the thick of it it's easy to not realize.

Let's face it.  Kids are usually off to college mentally even before they physically go off to college.  Mine was no different. I could tell.  The day after he graduated he was outfitted in his new university's latest garb and talking all summer about what he was going to pack and what his dorm room was going to look like. 

And now that the first semester is over I am learning to love and cherish the little time I have with him even on the extended breaks.  I cherish the new rare dinner where all 6 of us are gathered around the table.  I have learned to communicate more by text message or on facebook.  Life isn't how it used to be when I went to school but times have changed and I am adjusting.  I admit it's hard to get used to but I also realize that this is what growing is all about, isn't it?

I Just Called To Say......I Love You

so the song goes....

Most of the conversations I have had over the past few years with my oldest college teenager have not exactly been about the latest news, politics, or weather. In fact most conversations have a lot to do with what he needs, when he needs it, and how much it is going to cost me. If you can relate to this you must have a teenager in the house or remember life when you were one.

The past few years of my life with him have been me trying to figure out how to engage him in REAL conversation about life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. But nothing ever seemed to work. It was frustrating at times and at times I would try to remember what a good friend said to me once: "Your teenagers mentally will leave you and sometimes for several years and then one day they return and you will wonder where they have been". I laugh saying that because I have been living it and it is so true. They do mentally check out and then one day they seem to check back in.

Such was my experience today. The ever-growing college boy who is in the "checked out" stage called me on the phone. Here is how our conversation went:

Me: Hey guy, how are you?
Him: Hey Mom, how's it going?
Me: Great here except I miss you.
Him: I miss you too.
Me: What ya been up to?
Him: Not much. School's good.
Me: Ok. Whatchya calling for?
::pause waiting for the "I need (fill in the blank)" request::
Him: No reason... just to see how you are doing. I love you mom.
Me: I love you too.

and then we went on to talk about life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. And it felt really great.

What To Expect When...

In 1993 when my first son was born I received a gift from a friend who was a new mom herself. It was a book called "What To Expect When You Are Expecting". If you are a mom surely you know this book. The series continues with "What To Expect In the First Year" and then "What To Expect The Toddler Years". So imagine my surprise when I looked for "What To Expect When Your Child Goes To College". Guess what? The book doesn't exist.

I sure could have used a book this last August when I dropped my newborn baby from 1993 off to college. I don't think I expected anything except for one thing....lots and lots of tears.

It's funny. During the drive back home after leaving him I thought a lot back to when my parents dropped me off at college. I was so excited and happy and joyful at what lay ahead. A new chapter in my life. I couldn't understand when my Dad divulged to me that my Mom cried the entire drive home. It seemed odd to me. After all, I was very happy so why was she so sad. I think that's when it dawned on me that her sadness wasn't about me but about her. I suddenly became my Mom. That Mom. Every Mom who drops her child off at school.

My tears weren't about him. They were about me and how much I would miss him and how much I would love to still be holding him in my arms and feeding him his bottle and watching him make cute little faces with his chubby cheeks. When people ask me about him and how he is doing up at college I always tell them how much he likes it there. And then I tell them how much I miss him. And then I cry.