I remember the day that I gave birth to my first child as if it was yesterday...every little detail and memory of that day. At the time I swore it was the happiest day of my life and it was. I have had 3 more happiest days since then and each one not happier than the other. I knew that time would fly the minute he was born because everyone told me it would. And it has. He has gone from being the quietest baby to the noisiest teenager. As a child he was never big on demands but as a teenager that's a whole different story. Way back then he was a real guy's guy. Now he is showing an interest in girls. When he was little he would go on the computer to learn how to read. Now he goes on the computer to send off emails or research a school project. I remember how cute he was in that car seat and now I am teaching him how to drive. He used to call me "mommy" and lately he has cut that short to just "mom".
It's such a shock. Each passing day is one day closer to him turning 18 and another day closer to college and I am about 99% certain that college will be a pretty long distance from home. There are days when I wonder if I am doing the best job I can do. I am sure I fail at times but then there are times when he does or says something and I know I am doing something good and right. A big part of me wants him to be independent and able to cope in life and another part of me wants to just hug him closer and stop time. I knew this would happen and I knew I would always feel this way wanting to make time stop and keep him small and young and always looking for more kisses from me.
I got a newsletter from his high school regarding graduation photos for the seniors. He is not there yet...just a sophomore. But when I saw the letter I fast-forwarded to 2 years from now where it will be ME who will be doing the graduation photos. It will be ME who will buy graduation announcements. It will be ME to help mail off those college applications. It will be ME who will have to figure out how I am going to get through his 18th birthday.
I am not sure how I will prepare for this but there is one thing I have learned and that is that no matter how hard I pray, time just isn't going to stop for me.