The Mommy Wars

Sometime back in 1992, I made the decision (along with my then-husband) to go back to work after giving birth to my first child. I was lucky enough to have an extended maternity leave of 4 months and had saved enough personal vacation to extend that another month. I was also lucky enough to have a supervisor who was very understanding of the transition I would have to make upon going back to work and was willing to work with me. I explained to her that always my child comes first and we worked together on those issues that would inevitably come up not just now but in the future. I promised myself I would never push my baby on anyone if he was sick or needed me and I would never let work get in the way of an important function that involved him or any future kids.

What I didn't realize at the time was that whether or not I liked it I was going to be thrown into the "Mommy Wars." I was totally clueless of the term and the internet wasn't around for me to figure it out. But the judgements and questions certainly were there. Many women who I knew or were acquaintances of actually challenged me on my decision. I heard a lot of "why would you have a child if you were going to pawn it off on a day care worker?" I took offense to those questions. Those women don't know me, they don't know my family situation, they didn't know my level of love and committment, they didn't understand my relationship with my son, my husband and God.

Back then (and still today) I am a lover not a fighter. Certainly I have opinions but I don't presume that my opinions are the right way...it's just the right way for ME. I couldn't understand why there was (and still is) such a thing as mommy wars. Why not be supportive of each other and build each other up? That's my thinking anyway. Thank goodness we live in the greatest country in the world where we CAN make that choice freely and openly. We can work outside the home or work inside the home. Either way, it's work. Hard work.

The Mommy Wars never got easier as I had more kids. In fact, with the internet coming long, I read more about the wars. I read forums that pit working moms against stay at home moms and all the time I scratch my head. More judgments, more presumptions, more perceptions. I don't quite get it.

I read a lot of reports about kids in daycare. The statistics say that day care kids are more likely to grow up to be aggressive bullies. Day care kids are more sickly. I think to myself "but my kids all went to daycare and they are not bullies or aggressive and they go to the doctor only once a year for a checkup (knock on wood)." Maybe the stats are true. I don't know. But they aren't true for me and my family.

And then on Friday I see something I never thought would ever happen. A working mom on a Republican ticket. How very interesting! Whatever your thoughts of her are politically (I don't blog politics) I have to wonder if Governor Sarah Palin was ever asked why she decided to go back to work after her children were born.

It definitely makes me wonder.

Come Visit My New Store

It took me a while but I am so excited to be showing off my latest creation.

I am going to work hard on building it up and then advertising it. I have a feeling there are going to be a lot of craft and jewelry shows in my future and I am going to enjoy blogging my adventures here.

Also, as promised my premiere sidebar widget has changed and is now showing my new store line.

Enjoy!

This Past Week

It's been a sad week for me. At the risk of sounding like the rest of the country I am going to join in and say I was really sad to hear that Tim Russert had died unexpectedly. But since then I have really reflected on a few things in my own life that I feel could be fine tuned. I can always be a better this and a better that and so have thought a lot about how I want to make myself better and also about the legacy that I want to leave behind when I am called home just as Tim was last week.

At first I liked Tim Russert because I loved watching his show "Meet The Press." I was a faithful watcher each week and I always felt that I learned so much from his questions and answers. I really don't like those shows where the hosts scream or are condescending or create spin. I just want to hear the truth and I felt that Tim Russert worked the hardest at getting to the truth without injecting his own opinion. In addition, it was really because of his ability to simplify the issues and explain them in common every day language so that those of us who are not as politically savvy can understand and participate. So for that I thank you Tim Russert for helping me engage.

But even better than that I have been inspired this week by the personal side of Tim Russert. The devoted husband, father, and Irish Catholic that he was. I never realized he was raised by the nuns and the Jesuits and grew up as an Irish Catholic. He dedicated his life to his political and journalistic passions and lived every day to the fullest. He cared about people and lifted people up. Mario Cuomo said of him that "a day spent without real enthusiasm is a sadly lost opportunity." Such true words that I want to live by.

So as I woke up this morning, I quietly said a few prayers for those in need today. Some of them I know and some of them I don't. I dropped my kids off at preschool and sat with my princess while she drank her juice. I talked to her classmates who were all preparing for a bowling field trip today. I thanked her teacher for being so wonderful to her. I then dropped off my little man to his little class and sat with him. I offered to help his teacher pass out cereal cups for the little ones. I hugged one of the new kids in the class who was missing his dad. I stopped by the front desk and asked the ladies if they needed a Starbucks run. I feel enthusiastic and good today. It's going to be a day well spent.

Thank you Tim Russert.

A Sad Story

Today I found out that a dear co-worker is in hospice and will die from an advanced cancer soon. That bums the crap out of me. She is so strong-willed and assertive yet kind and caring. I am having a hard time accepting that this terrible disease is, once again, going to take the life of someone who is close to me.

Dammit.

An email around work has circulated with regards from her and her family. Her husband says that her wishes to us all is to "retire early and enjoy your life."

Hmmmm. Just what I have been thinking lately. Retire early and enjoy your life. How many times do we hear those types of words with respect to spending enough time with your family. It resonates with me. Some of us may not have the finances in place to retire early but we can certainly enjoy our lives outside of work. Here is what I am going to do to improve my personal life.

1. Spend more time with my kids when I pick them up from school. I will turn off the radio and listen to them tell me about their day.
2. I will lay out the toys in their room more and sit on the floor and play, read or do whatever they want me to do.
3. I will take more shortcuts in areas that don't involve spending time with family such as cooking, cleaning, and other housework unless they are participating with me.
4. I will enjoy my children climbing into bed with me in the morning rather than fret over them waking me up so early.
5. I will cheer loudly for my kids at their baseball games even though it might embarrass them. I want them to remember how proud I am of them.
6. I will talk more with my husband about the good things of the day rather than the stresses.
7. I will take my vitamins, eat healthier, and keep exercising.
8. I will keep thinking of ways to create a happy and healthy home for all of us.

Goals for 2008

My goals for 2008 are pretty specific. I have not yet formulated a game plan on how to accomplish these but I will be getting to that later on.

1. Develop and find more writing opportunities.
2. Convert my home to a minimalist home. Start a minimalist blog.
3. Develop an exercise plan post-Marathon (kickboxing, boxing, yoga, spinning).
4. Take two desktop publishing classes (online or community college).

Since I have now committed to starting a new minimalist blog I should probably start developing it before January 1 don't ya think?

What are your goals for 2008?

Unique Gifts

I love giving gifts but most of all I love giving gift baskets. I have always had a knack for them and on many occasions put some together for the ones I love.

I have made very large ones with big teddy bears inside for a new mom and I have made really small ones with gift certificates and candy for teachers at school. I don't know what it is about them that I love the most. As far as making them I love the chance to tailor make them for the person I am giving them to. As a person making them for others I love the challenge of finding that beautiful or unique basket.

Many years ago I gave a gift basket to a good friend of mine and she quietly told me that I should run my own gift business. I thought that was extremely complimentary but never really gave it a serious thought until now.

I stumbled upon a book in the bookstore about giving gift baskets and started researching more and more and I have stumbled upon some companies that offer the most unique containers and baskets along with some really awesome merchandise to put in gift baskets. I have been playing with shrink wrap and nesting boxes and it has been a lot of fun.

Maybe one day I will do more than make them for a hobby. For now I am experimenting with products and tapping into this talent that I enjoy a lot.

First Day On The Job

Today was my first day on my new blogging job and I am really excited. I am actually going to get paid to blog. I am really new at paid blogging and am kinda nervous about it. I want to do a really good job because...well, because I am a total perfectionist.

The blog is on NBC's hit show The Office. Right now I have so many ideas that I can't seem to put them all down into words so the new blog might look a bit awkward at first. I suspect in a week or so I will feel more comfortable in the medium but for now I am just starting up.

I could sure use the encouragement so feel free to subscribe to it or leave a comment for me. I could also use the traffic and publicity.

Here is the link and I hope that you enjoy what it is going to become as much as I am creating it.

Mission Statement

I was on the computer this morning and on the desk was Kevin's new high school handbook. I looked at the cover and on it states "Peace, Justice, Service."

The mission statement says "Chaminade-Madonna, Catholic and Marianist in its identity, educates the heart and soul as well as the mind and body. It is a family-like community in which individuals of all backgrounds shape and share their faith, achieve excellence, and become caring participants and leaders in the service of community, church and those in need."

I am more confident today than yesterday at my decision to send him to such an awesome school.

Happy Birthday to Me

Tomorrow I am going to be 24 years old...or is that 42? I can't remember. I think I might have dyslexia. And every birthday that comes and goes I always set aside some time to think about the state of my life as I change another year and think of where I am and where I want to go. I have to say that tomorrow I will give myself a B+ which is probably one of the highest grades of all time.

Why that is isn't easily explained because some of it can't be put into words but I think I can touch on highlights.

Number one would have to be the state of my marriage. I have to rate that an A+. I really couldn't ask for more and I really can't expand on it too much more.

Number two would have to be the state of my family. All four kids are doing really well in school and in life. They are all thriving and I am so proud of them. I can hardly put that into words either. I have learned how to accept each one of them for their individuality. There have been moments where that has been difficult. For example, last year when Ryan started middle school he really struggled with his study habits. Quite honestly he didn't have any and I struggled to teach him. He was so unlike his older brother who is so intelligent that he really doesn't need to study much. With Ryan I worked harder and took less for granted. I will never forget his first semester midprogress report. Straight D's. I thought we were looking at something more serious developmentally. But Ryan and I worked through it. I took him out of his sports program and we worked hard. He brought every D up to A's and B's and his first report card made us cry. Every day is a new joy, a new struggle, a new lesson learned but I couldn't have asked for better kids to walk this path with than the ones I have.

Number three would have to be my mental state. I have been in some really dark places in the past 10 years. Some that I don't care to return to. Some that I am still feeling the aftershocks of. Some that I still don't have closure. But with a lot of hard work I am overcoming a lot of those problems. When I was little I overheard my grandmother tell my mom that I was "going places." When I asked what that meant (I think I was not yet a teenager) my mom told me that it simply means that I will be really successful in whatever I do in life. I have never forgotten that. I think that in the past 10 years I have let my leadership qualities slip a lot and I am slowly bringing those back.

Number four would have to be friendships. It has been a long time since I have had a group of friends that I could call my own. And this year I decided that I needed to do something about that. I searched within myself to try to be a better friend thinking that doors would open for me at that point. I opened doors in places that had never been obvious to me and reached out to people just in the spirit of being nice to others. What I found was a few new friends from work and a few new friends that I have reconnected with and the list is growing every day.

Number five would have to be my career. I feel a major shift growing inside of me but in order to not jinx it I will expand on that at a later time.

I believe that birthdays should be meant to celebrate life and achievement and I am so happy and glad to be spending tomorrow with people who mean a lot to me and with my husband and kids who have inspired me to be better than I could be.

Help Me With My Addiction

My name is Terry and I am an addict. Hi Terry


What is your addiction, you ask? Diet Coke

Seriously. It's my only vice. And I have to nix it and soon. I am trying to get my body prepared for marathon training. Yes I am a psycho-masochist if there is such a word. For some strange reason my psychiatrist, er..life coach, thinks I need to step out of my box so what could be more out of the box than pushing your body to do something that it was never intended to do. Running for almost 4 hours straight. Well, the brighter side is that it is going to held at Walt Disney World which is technically the happiest place on earth. I will let you now how happy I am on marathon day.

Back to the Diet Coke. You see I like Diet Coke. Correction, I love Diet Coke. Further correction, I cannot live without Diet Coke. I have heard it is not good for you. Something about heart disease and rats. But seriously, I think it will slow me down in my training. Never mind the fact that I run slower than a snail. I am certain the cause of the problem is the diet coke. So I have to quit but I am not sure how to do it.


Here is my daily diet coke ritual.

• Morning diet coke - when everyone else is drinking coffee I am grabbing for the silver can. But I need my caffeine.

• Lunch diet coke - I need something to get me through the humdrum salad sans dressing because a leafy greens with no dressing is good for my marathon running.

• Mid-afternoon diet coke - this is a must if I am going to get through the rush hour traffic in Miami, the city formerly known as the Land of Road Rage.
  

I will take any and all suggestions on what I can do to kick this habit. And while you are at it, any suggestions on how to pick up my running pace? It would be awfully embarrassing if Mickey and Friends were to pass me by at mile marker 20.

In My Dreams....

I am president of my own company.
I work at home and stay at home with Jack and Kelly.
I bake lots of yummy treats.
I volunteer to help put a smile on the faces of those less fortunate.
I run a marathon and have my family cheering for me at the finish line.
I see Kevin and Ryan every day.
I play saxophone.
I see my house as a haven for my kids and their friends.
My scrapbooks are all up to date.
I get a pedicure once a week.
I get along with Kevin and Ryan's father.