Feed A Cold....With Exercise

Yesterday morning I woke up with the first signs of a cold..sore throat and post nasal drip. I started to become upset because we are going on our one and only summer vacation next week and the last thing I need is to be bogged down with a nasty cold on the trip. I took a few vitamin C which always gives me acid reflux but I take it anyway hoping to fight off the cold. All day long I was feeling the sore throat and it was making me feel tired and lazy. I contemplated calling off my personal training session. I don't have that many left and I don't want to waste one on a day where my performance is not optimal. But something made me keep the session and off I dragged my achy body to the gym.

When I got there I did my usual warm up which is a mile long jog around the upstairs track. It was ok..not my best and not my worst but the throat was bothering me and I was feeling lightheaded and my stomach was acidic from the vitamins and the drip. Disgusting.

When I got back to the exercise floor my trainer, Amy, tells me that today was going to be a unique day. We were going to be doing our entire hour long workout with these ceiling straps that dangle almost to the floor.



There were so many different exercises and they were extremely tough and left me winded and dripping with sweat all hour long. But I made it through somehow without barfing, although a couple of times I swear I almost was going to.

I was beat on the way home. I dragged myself into the house, took a shower, and went to bed. And then the most amazing thing happened this morning. I woke up and my cold and sore throat were completely gone.

Maybe there is something to this exercise thing. It must build up immunities. Maybe I sweated the cold out. I am not sure but there is one thing for sure...I know what I will be doing if I ever feel another cold coming on.

My trusty old friend

I knew something would eventually happen to my computer's hard drive. After all, it is older than my princess by a few months. That would make it 6+ years. The computer has seen me have another child since then. It has seen us buy a new larger flat screen monitor for it. It has seen us evolve with newer programs for preschool children that will only tax it's memory and processor speed. Two older boys would now do their homework on this computer that used to be just mine. It's been through thousands of downloaded photos. It never failed me, ever. Sure it's slowed down over the years and has caused me to reboot many many times but I felt loyal to it. I never looked to replace it. Yes I knew one day it would die. I knew I would have to back up my files. I kept postponing that process hoping that it would come more later than sooner.

But just last week I opened up my own account on igoogle and google docs. I got out of my denial and purchased a few jump drives and emptied all of my photos onto a jump drive, just in case. I started uploading my important files to google docs and also downloaded my outlook calendar to google, just in case. I was going to work on email and contacts this weekend. I was going to do the rest of the files today, just in case. But last night while working on my trusty Dell in the midnight hours while everyone else had gone to sleep, something went terribly wrong. The screen froze. But that had happened before and maybe I had too many windows open. I rebooted and then got the message that this might be the end. It was the blue screen of death. The one where it gives you the message that some important looking and too long sounding file is corrupt. What was I going to do. I had not yet completed my documents backup. I rebooted. It didn't help. I rebooted again. Nothing. The tower started making funny noises. This wasn't good. I knew it. My just in case moment came and I felt panicky. I lost my internet access. I lost my email. All of them. I could not get to my blogs or my reader. Nothing.

I went to my closet where I have carefully stored all of my computers disks and backups. The only thing I knew was to reinstall Windows and pray. I found the disk, put it in, and hope that something can be saved. It rebooted, reinstalled, but everything was lost. My internet access, drivers, files, email, applications, programs, and my bookmarks. I turned it off and went to bed. I couldn't sleep. I felt like I lost a special friend.

When I awoke this morning, it felt like a sad day. No computer. I was going to have to start shopping around for a new one. Initially I thought of just starting from scratch on the trusty old Dell but I have come to the realization that 6 years to a computer is like 90 years to a human. I am going to retire and bury my trusty Dell and replace it with another Dell, a newer and improved model. I am sure I will get to love my new Dell, once I buy it and set it up. But I know that it will never be the same as my old best friend. RIP my old Dell and I hope that the new Dell is as good to me as you were.

So Much Going On

There is just too much going on but for some strange reason my brain likes being on overload. I have always been that way but never could explain it. A lot of times people say to me "Where do you get all of your energy" and I tell them I have no clue. I can no longer blame it on the caffeine from my daily diet cokes (jumping for joy). But the strange thing is that the more sedentary I am, the more tired I am and the less productive I become....ie, lazy...and I hate that. I guess I will never fully retire.

I cram a lot of things in my one day. It's like a personal challenge to try to get as much done but a lot of things that I do are just plain fun to me...like playing with my kids, polishing my daughter's nails, cooking my family dinner, making brownies, playing on facebook and catching up with old friends and relatives, sweeping up the mud and dirt that the kids drag in, working out with my husband, organizing, decluttering, cleaning, yada, yada, yada.

I feel compelled to tell how I do all of this every day. Take my 4 kids to 4 different schools and then manage to get myself to work, take on the demands of my job, pick the 4 kids up from the 4 different schools, make dinner, do laundry, get at least 2 of the 4 kids to some sort of sport or extra curricular activity, get baths done, homework done, get the kids to bed, and then get myself to bed. I swear seeing it written down on paper makes my head spin. I forgot to mention that I pay the bills, clean up, prepare for the next day, and countless other things. I have a husband who helps A LOT..thank goodness for that because I know people who don't have that support...but even with his help, I seem to be the one driving the train. I am ok with that because I am a bit of a control freak in that respect. Do you kind of relate to that because I think a lot of us moms do.

I love this life. I wouldn't slow it down at all because it keeps me fit, physically and mentally. One of my goals in life, god willing, is to be active, fit and healthy enough for my future grandchildren. I want to be a hands on mother and hands on grandmother. I can't imagine retiring because even if I retired from my working life, I would still find some other ways to occupy my time like spending time with my kids, babysitting grandkids, traveling with my husband.....

the list goes on and on and on and on and on......

Willpower

For as long as I can remember I have been a diet coke addict. It's been so long that I don't remember when it started. My habit usually took me to anywhere from 2-3 cans a day. I tried to stop so many times but it never worked. I even blogged about it.

But 11 days ago on a Saturday morning, in the midst of my big workout regiment, I admitted to my trainer/friend that I felt sluggish because I had not had a diet coke yet. She looked at me curiously and we started talking about it. I admitted that I had a hard time breaking the habit and I felt I needed it to get me going in the morning. Just talking about it made me feel better about wanting to do something about it. She asked me to try hard to stop this time and if I did drink a diet coke I would have to admit it and then she would work me out 200% harder on our next workout. I think that worked because it got me to stop and now I am 11 days clean of diet coke.

Definitely I think about it a lot. I think about how good it would taste right about now. That's when I turn my thoughts to something else and grab my bottled water. People are asking me "are you getting headaches" or "are you going through withdrawal" and the answers are surprisingly NO. Which led me to wonder how much of my "addiction" was physiological or psychological. I think it is the latter.

I don't think I could give any good advice on this subject since it took me so long to cure my own self. But what worked for me was an objective third party to give me a good challenge that I could not pass up. For some reason, this time, it worked.

A Great Conversation

My heart warmed from this conversation this morning with my little princess.

Me: I am leaving for work right now and Daddy is taking you to school.
Her: Ok. Mommy.
We start kissing and hugging goodbye.
Me: I love you. Have a great day.
Her: NOOOOOOOOOOO...you aren't supposed to tell me to have a great day. You are only allowed to say "I love you."
Me: OK. I love you.
Long Pause
Her: I love you too Mommy.
Long Pause
Her: Have a great day Mommy.
Me: Have a great day Princess.

Flirting With 40

I have to give a shout out to my sister-in-law who recommended this book to me. It was a great read...not just easy but worthy in theme and spirit.

It's not because of the romance...ok, admittedly the character of Kai does make your toes tingle. It's not all about the fact that she fell in love with Hawaii although to date it has been my most favorite place I have ever travelled. It's not totally because she is divorced and therefore, I can relate to her on that level because I surely can. I think it is mostly about the fact that she is a single mom with a domineering ex and a guilt ridden life. She doesn't realize how she is caught up in the rollercoaster of life but also cannot enjoy it because she doesn't know how. She is in a life she never wanted and does not know how to enjoy any of the wonderful things that life has to offer. When she meets Kai on the beaches of Hawaii he helps her to see that life is as difficult as we make it...nothing more and nothing less.

The book is a wonderful transformation of a confused soul brought back from a life that she hated to a life she never knew existed.

I give this book an A+ not only for the pure enjoyment factor but because when I finished it, I realized that I, too, needed to retool my own life and am looking forward to the challenge.

Making Me Laugh

I had an awesome night out last night with my family. We went to Chilis because we had gotten a few gift cards for Christmas and wanted to use them up. Taking 4 kids out to dinner when two of them are teens and two are tiny people sometimes can be challenging but sometimes I am actually up for that challenge.

Last night while sitting at the table my oldest teen said something (what he said escapes me at the moment) but I let out a loud laugh. It was really funny....that I DO remember. I then noted to the remainder of the table that today all four of my kids each gave me a huge laugh out loud moment. They all looked at me as if I had two heads...what kind of sane person gets amusement from their kids making her laugh? What is so special about that?

The truth is that we (correction...I) don't laugh enough. I am so busy, busy, busy. I admit it. I should not be. I should take the time to sit back and allow the laugh out loud moments to asborb my brain. Why? Because it is FUN! It's fun to laugh and it's fun to see my kids laugh with me.

I commit to laughing more and being more easy going with my kids and making them laugh. I will let you know how it goes.

Clinical Depression

Ten years ago I was clinically depressed. That was the diagnosis. It was an environmental depression which means it was triggered by events going on around me as opposed to some sort of chemical imbalance.

Those events were a failing marriage and my mother's diagnosis of end-stage lung cancer. Both events were major stresses that, even by themselves, can bring a person to a depressed state. Having both occur simultaneously can be very traumatic.

Which is probably why I don't recall many details of that time period with the exception of my mother's funeral and the night before her death which I recall very vividly. Everything else is either a big blur or completely gone from my memory.

I was treated for the depression via psychotherapy. I opposed the use of drugs because I wanted to get to the root of the problem and felt perhaps drugs might mask it. I left that option opened as a method of last resort.

I never felt suicidal though I do recall feeling that maybe if my life did end it might be a huge relief. I think that was when I realized I needed help. After all, I had to raise two small boys. And at the time of my depression I could not be there for them. I knew it was time for an intervention.

Therapy has and always will be a huge source of help for me. A lot of people are against it but I am not. I look at it as a mental check-up and I am seeing a therapist right now who has been extremely helpful to me with those emotional check-ups.

So many people ask me why it is that when I got divorced did my ex get the majority of visitation time and why was it that my ex was the receiver of child support. I often times have a difficult time answering that question to myself much less to others. The depression was so deep that I don't recall my even thinking of the details of my divorce agreement. Heck, I didn't even have a lawyer to help me out. I was completely and utterly lost.

I wish I could answer questions from 10 years ago more definitively but I really can't. Not because I don't want to but simply because I can't. I don't recollect and I don't want to try. I live through the mistakes I made and they have helped me be a better person today. I am glad that I am no longer depressed and I am so blessed to have a happy, healthy and thriving relationship with my dear husband and 4 beautiful children. Life with them couldn't be better.

Perspective Is a Funny Thing

I have a neighbor that I knew who used to tell me she was jealous of me because I get a break from my older boys during the week when they go back to their Dad's house to live. I believe it was when she made that statement that I realized I could never have a friendship with her simply because she was too dense to understand the pain that I feel inside when my boys are not with me.

Yes I did choose that situation when I made the decision to get divorced but the alternatives were not much better. I question myself each and every day. That is my life. I don't complain about my decision and I don't talk about it with anyone for that matter.

But that doesn't mean that the reality does not hurt. I miss my boys every moment they are not with me. Some days I fill the void with actions to keep my mind off of it. But when I experience alone time or down time or quiet time, I think of them. I often think of what they might be doing at that very instant. Are they doing their homework and if so, are they stuck on a problem that they need my help with? Are they eating dinner and are they being careful to take small bites so as not to choke? Did they brush their teeth before they went to bed? Did they remember to bring their jacket to school in case it gets cold in the classroom? Do they know how much I love and miss them and can't wait to see them again in a few days?

I rarely discuss this with anyone. Most times I don't even discuss my feelings with them because I don't want them to feel bad or guilty. Every so often they say things to indicate to me that they feel bad if they have a good time at their dad's house. I quickly tell them that they should never feel bad about having a good time because it is what I want for them.

One time I mentioned to someone that I felt bad about not being with my boys and that person responded with "you made your bed, you have to lay in it." That made me feel worse and more guilty. Now I don't tell anyone how I feel because of that.

But it's not because I don't feel it. Not at all.

Mystery Shopper

I have a secret. I am a mystery shopper and I get a rush from it.

I am new at it and I am still fearful of "getting caught." But it is awesome to get free stuff and paid to do the shop.

So far it is has been limited to coffee and bagel shops but at these rates that's a nice spare pocket of change.

I am not in desperate need of money even though my kids seem to take every last cent that I have. I do it more for the thrill of it and the free stuff. Today I did a lunchtime shop at a local bagel store. I bought some soup and coffee. It was so yummy. I got reimbursed for the items and then got paid $10 on top of it for filling out a survey. Not bad considering I have to eat lunch somewhere anyway.

I have signed up for a few restaurants and some electronic stores and I will soon find out if I get those. I am also going to sign up for a free eye exam because that is the only part of that my vision insurance does not cover. How cool is that?

When I was a little kid my mom was always involved in market research. Every so often someone would call our house for an evening event where you would go and test out products and give your opinions. You would get paid a certain amount of money and get a meal out of it. When I got older I would get to go on them. I really enjoyed it and now I am doing mystery shopping which is market research too.

Happy Halloween

I have decided that my top holidays of all time besides Christmas and Easter is Halloween. I really got into it this year. At the last minute I went to Party City and bought some really scary things for the front of the house including a fog machine, some scary screaming CDs for the CD player for approaching trick-or-treaters, and some scary signage. I was reminded by my older kids that our house was too nice and pretty boring and it needed to be more scary. I even bought a costume for myself so I could get into the mood. I was the Greek Goddess Venus.

A Strange First

This morning as I am shuffling kids to school I am on the way back from driving one kid to school to take my toddler to day care. I am on a crowded highway in the middle of rush hour traffic when suddenly I hear a noise that I am not digging coming from the back seat. Then a loud cough and then more strange noises. I move the rear view mirror to get a glimpse of my little one when I see that he has vomited all over himself and into his car seat. Ugh. Blech. My worst fear coming true.

I pull off to the side of the road. I am in my work clothes..skirt and heels tending to this messy job. I take my toddler out of the car and undress him. I carry a towel and wipes under the seat just in case of such emergency so I proceed to clean him and the car seat up as much as possible. Even though I am off to the side of the road I am getting beeps and cat calls. People can be so rude. Can't they see my hands are full of vomit! How gross.

I manage to clean as much up as possible and then get him back in the car and proceed to go home to change clothes. I debate if it is a good idea to send him to daycare like this even though he shows no other signs of illness. It's the first day back from our realignment and I am torn.

We get home to change clothes and he is his usually happy self running around. I decide to take him to daycare but I specifically tell his teacher that if he shows any signs of duress to call me and I will be right over to take him home.

As we are pulling into the driveway I take the car seat out of the car to give it a good washing when it dawns on me that this is the first time that a child of mine has vomited in the car. I have made it almost 15 years of having kids without this happening. I feel so lucky. And I feel even luckier that he didn't vomit on the car just in the car seat.

And to think it wasn't even 9 am yet.

Special Anniversary

I don't remember the exact date that my DH and I first dated. I don't remember the date that we got engaged. I do remember the date that that we call our "first meeting". It was on the date of this event...



October 16, 1999 and we just celebrated 8 awesome years since then. It's a really long story that I plan to blog about in bits and pieces but I can say that I remember this day vividly right down to what I was wearing, what I said, what I did, what I ate, and how wet I got. I also remember my inner feeling when I got paired up to work this storm cleanup with this "cute guy" who I knew nothing about but was told I would have to drive in the same car with him. I didn't think of being scared. Instead I thought that maybe God finally was listening to my prayers and it turns out that he was because my life forever changed after that day.

It turned into this..



which then turned into this...

My Husband Really Missed Me

The other day I had to go to a training workshop about 4 hours away from my house. I drove the day before and then came home the next day. I was gone for about 36 hours.

I didn't have too many fears that my husband wouldn't be able to handle our children while I was away mainly because I prepared way ahead of time to make it fairly easy.

Things went smoothly and my family was happy to see me when I came back home.

I was pleasantly surprised, though, at how much my husband missed me. I joked with him that perhaps it was because he had to make dinner and he totally does not cook much if at all. I know I spoil him in that area because I love to cook and he really does not. He had to give the kids their baths and didn't enjoy that he didn't have the freedom that I give him to go to bed early while I get the kids into bed. He didn't enjoy not being able to go for a late night run or exercise at the gym. He didn't enjoy the quiet in the house when all the kids were sleeping and he had no one to talk to.

We all take those kinds of freedoms for granted. I try not to because I clearly remember the days when I was a single mom raising two small boys in a tiny 900 square ft apartment. It's an emotional and financial strain that I don't wish upon anyone and every so often I remind myself of how grateful I am to be in the center of a really great family.

My husband has been telling me over and over yesterday and today how much he loves me and missed me. Geesh! It was only 36 hours, I reminded him. Still, he was reminded about how lost he would be without me and I know how I would be without him.

So here is to not taking your loved ones for granted and next time you see them remind them of how much they mean to you.

Thursday Ramblings

I don't have any one topic to blog about today so there will be several topics I will touch on.

A Soccer Conversation With My Princess

We are watching soccer on TV

Her: I want to play soccer when I am 5 years old.
Me: Awesome. That will be so neat. You will have to remember to never touch the soccer ball with your hands unless you are the goalie.
Her: I know why you can't touch the ball.
Me: Why?
Her: Because if you touch the ball your hands will get DIRTY!


When Your Child Is Sick

Today I picked Jack up from school. He was very whiney but I was not sure why. It wasn't too much out of the norm for him. We got home and he suddenly wanted to be picked up. I picked him up and started walking him to my bedroom when all of a sudden he threw up all over me. When I say that this is the first time he had ever thrown up I am not exaggerating. This is the first time even when he was a baby. He rarely spit up either. I was really more shocked and knew this was not the norm for him. Naturally I did my best to clean up and took him over to the bath to clean up. Afterward I offered him a drink and he took it. He was laughing and watching TV on the couch. An hour had passed and no more vomiting and it was getting close to dinner so I offered him something to eat that would not be objectionable...crackers and plain cheerios. He accepted and ate them. I figure that if he was drinking and keeping it down and willingly eating cheerios that maybe he was feeling better. An hour later and he started to run a fever. I gave him some motrin and he then fell asleep in his chair eating his cheerios. I then held him for awhile and let him sleep in my arms and then set him up in his bed where he has been ever since. He has been sleeping soundly for about an hour. I just went in and checked on him and his temperature is down and we will spend the day together tomorrow at home.

Why is it that when our kids get sick, we moms feel sick too? I can't really speak for all moms but I can say that whenever one of my kids is sick I feel just as horrible. Maybe worse than they do. I feel that a lot is out of my control and if I just could take their illness away and put it on me I would gladly do so.

Hopefully tomorrow goes a bit better and then I won't feel so sick.

My Novena

I am saying a 27 day Novena. I happened to mention this to my older son while we were picking up my tween from Sunday School. Older son is going to Catholic High School and I have noticed that he is picking up a lot of information in his theology class. We discussed prayer and novenas in general. I didn't tell him why I was saying the novena but he was advising me that I should remember to pray all the times, not just when we are in need or that would be considered self-serving. I think that is true so I promised him that alongside my novena I would work very hard on more praying throughout the day and every day not just for myself but for others.

Realignment

My company is going through yet another "realignment." In all honesty I have been through so many that I am too used to it to be nervous. I have never been worried about my job at all. I figure that if I lost it I would be able to find something new or perhaps work at home which would be heaven to me. If they kept me on that is fine too. But the not knowing is bad. We have been "not knowing" since June and that is a tad too long for a company realignment.

Update on my sad awards story

I got a few comments on the story that I told in the post below on my name especially from Corey and Cindy. I felt a lot of hugs from you all coming my way and I just felt it was only appropriate to let you know that while I did feel bad about having to walk away while the other girl got the award, the teacher did her best to keep it really discrete so not many others knew what was going on. I wasn't really embarrassed that I started up there to get the award but more angry that I wasn't the one getting the award.

Perhaps that is where my over-achieving began...who knows...but to this day I am totally competitive in that regard in a quiet sort of way. I really strive to do my best in my job even though I don't get any more pay out of it. I just like the ataboys and the smiles on others around me knowing I did an awesome job.

So don't feel too bad. I am certain the award story (and there are plenty more like those) shaped me into the person I am today and I am fairly satisfied with that.

Hugs back for the thoughtful comments and have a most awesome rest of the week!

What's A Name

My good friend Corey wrote an interesting post in her blog regarding your birth name.

I decided to try the test to see how many people in the US share my same name. I used my maiden name as the test and found that 419 people share in my name. Corey feels connected to her name but I don't. In fact I have always wanted to have a different name. Even though I am named for the St. Terese my nickname is Terry. I don't necessarily mind the nickname nor do I mind at all being named for a wonderful saint but I just don't understand why my parents decided to spell my nickname like a boy's name.

I have had my name spelled wrong so many times it would get very frustrating. I can't tell you how many letters over the years I have received addressed to Mr.

I don't like nicknames in general mainly because you have to always explain the nickname such as in school when I was new in a class I would have to tell them to call me Terry. Blech....that was always so awkward because half the time my name would get butchered.

Perhaps if my parents had not given me the nickname I would have felt better. This is why I decided that none of my kids would have names that would be shortened or altered mistakenly.

Finally, I didn't like the fact that my name was so common because I remember when I was in elementary school and there was a girl in school with my exact name. One day at an awards assembly my name was called for an award. I started to go up to get the award and that girl went up too. We both stared at each other and my teacher motioned to me that the award was going to the other girl. I felt like Charlie Brown at that moment and walked back to my seat.

I will never forget that and perhaps it is why I am not connected to my name.

HowManyOfMe.com

There are 419 people with my name in the U.S.A. How many have your name?

Yesterday I felt validated

Yesterday I had a conversation with a friend of mine. Her name is Renee. I have known Renee since my older boys were babies and Renee was in high school working at the boys' daycare. When the boys left daycare I fell out of touch with Renee until last year when she magically appeared at the daycare that my two younger ones go to. This time she is the office manager and she now has two young children the same ages as mine. How life comes full circle.

It seems that Renee left the old daycare on very bad terms with the owner and with the woman who is now my boys' stepmother. There was much backstabbing and gossip going on that she had to move past it.

Renee and I had a casual conversation the other day regarding stepmother. The incidents over the years with her as the stepmother to my children have been excruciating and painful and I feel as though they have probably added years to my life considering the many, many days of stress. I have endured the pain and agony for 7 years for the sake of my two beautiful boys...because it's my job to be a mom first and then worry about myself later. But that doesn't make my heart turn to stone. I have feelings of which have been stepped all over by a person who claims to love my kids. No matter. The boys and I have endured and conquered her.

Back to Renee. As I was speaking to her yesterday she turned the conversation toward stepmom. She told me some things that no one has ever told me outside of my dear husband. She validated all of the things I have been feeling about stepmom. She validated how horrible she is toward me and she validated the things she saw her do and her motivations when she worked with her at the old daycare.

Curiously I asked her for more information not quite believing the first of this experience...that someone within stepmom's circle of friends (or former friends) actually was telling me that it was HER who is/was crazy and insane and NOT me!

I walked away thanking her because I had never quite had this happen before...that is, someone close to the situation who saw the pain I had been feeling who finally stepped up and took my side. I truly felt validated.

I spoke to Greg about it afterward. Why do I need to feel validated by others? Why do I need to hear it from outside myself to feel confidence that I am doing a good job by my boys? He told me that it really is human nature for all of us to want to be validated and reassured that we are on track in our life and that we are being commended for the good we try to do and the nice people we try to be.

I got in my car yesterday and cried but this time I was crying happy tears because of the relief that I felt inside that I no longer needed to hide or be ashamed of the situations that I go through with stepmom and that even though I would like to change the situation, I can't and I finally freed myself because there are others out there who understand and that felt pretty good.

George Clooney...I don't really get it

I am probably in the minority on this one but I just don't get it with the George Clooney obsession. There is NO WAY that this man.....



is sexier than this man....


Come to think of it the sexiest man I know is here...

There is a bug in my house today

Greg has a bug and needs to get an antibiotic for it.

Jack has a bug called the terrible twos.

Kelly has a bug called "The Princess Rules the Roost".

Kevin has a bug that is pestering the heck out of Ryan.

Ryan has a bug that won't allow him to fully understand that (-14 - -17) is "3" and not "-3".

And I am the mom. I can't afford to have bugs.